STOP ABUSE
The main idea and the thesis of the project and an online community I created these illustrations for is that abusing your loved ones is unacceptable. The STOP ABUSE community searches for ideas and ways to support victims and help them get out of domestic violence.
The illustrative part of the STOP ABUSE project includes depicting the situations of domestic violence that can happen between the couple, where one of the partners is an abuser, and the second one is a victim.
...At first, a partner seems as beautiful, nice and ideal as a rose. But all roses have thorns that can hurt. Such relationships become the prison. Victims turn into martyrs with a crown of thorns. Or sometimes even cuffs.
But at first, the partner seems ideal. They shine bright and are quite charming.
But then, in course of time, the victim finds themselves falling into an abyss.
An abyss of abuse.
Later, when the victim 'falls into the trap' of the abuser's 'charms', the victim's interests often become ignored and frowned at by the abuser.
The abuser's mother always knows better, and they might often remind this to the victim.
Once again: the victim's hobbies are being dismissed and devalued by the abuser, because they feel they start to lose control over the victim. Sometimes even rudely.
As time goes on, all the victim's online and even real life communication gets under the abuser's control.
The abuser can convince the victim that even their best friends are not worth talking to.
The abuser can even prohibit the victim to look the way they want to, often in quite a manipulative way.
The abuser can get furious about anything.
They tend to bring their emotions home.
As time goes by, everything the victim does becomes wrong, and the abuser gets critical about everything.
Where has that 'ideal partner' image gone?..
And even more so, if the victim comes at a wrong moment...
... they can get into trouble.
I mean, REAL trouble.
When the abuser realizes they can lose their victim (often after beating them heavily), they crawl to the victim and literally beg them to stay. They cry and say they love them so much.
This story repeats many times.
When the conflict is over, the victim falls into the trap of thinking that this won't happen ever again, and from that moment on, everything is going to be fine. In this illustrative case, 'I'm sure he'll change!'
Sometimes life after fighting seems just marvellous. Everything looks so beautiful and pretty.
But then, after some 'idyllic' time together, the abuser becomes a monster again. And again, and again...
The victim's world often becomes a living nightmare.
With this, abusers tend to fall for the ladies who are successful, bright, strong-looking and immaculate.
When directly blamed, the abuser can look VERY guilty.
Moreover, all the householding stuff that the abuser makes the victim do become an unbearable burden for the victim. They gradually go down to the bottom, being dragged and 'drowned' by all the stuff.
The victims, in their turn, often won't listen to anyone saying that their partner is an abuser and, let's be frank, a monster. Victims are unlikely to share their problems with anyone.
There is the third role here, in this circle, or a triangle, if you wish - the role of a Savior. The word 'savior' here is sarcastic, and a savior themselves is sometimes seen as a 'superhero'.
...And the abuser adds up to the victim's silence. They convince them to avoid talking about their problems to anyone else, because who on earth wants to wash their dirty linen in public. What would people say?..
But the victim's background plays its role here, too. Being constantly told they are useless and worthless in their childhood, victims feel this for the rest of their lives, because, as it is known, mother's opinion is the most important for a child.
There is also some sort of a secret connection between the abuser and the victim. If they stay together, they somehow accept each other and subconsciously agree to each other's conditions of being in a relationship - in this case, the victim mainly accepts the abuser's terms.
If you realize that some of your friends, relatives or anyone else close to you has fallen into the abusive relationship, try to tell them about it. But it is important to be delicate and caring, and not to put pressure on them, because, you know, they are already being oppressed all the time!
Sometimes you have to help the victim break out from the 'prison' by literally pushing them forward.
Be patient and attentive in your attempts to save the victim and help them realize once again that they are much better than they think, because their self-esteem is often low or very low - that must have its roots mainly in their childhood. The victim is going to resist.
When the situation gets completely out of control, the victim - with the help of their family, friends or a psychologist - can finally step over themselves and decide to leave. However, it is very hard for them.
Especially when it comes to the safety of children.
If you want to know more, visit https://vk.com/stop_abusing_ru. There is a range of psychological articles, tips and real comments from victims, and many more.
If you see someone close to you getting into this kind of trouble,
don't stay aside, as you can save someone's life.
To be continued!
